Just like Jonah

I'm just like Jonah. As I was reading the story again to Skye tonight, I realized that I really don't want these people in my neighborhood to be redeemed and forgiven. They've done so many hurtful and selfish things to and against my little family it is really hard for me to think that I'm just a sinner the same. They make a mock of Alan's hard earned money, don't pay dues, which in turn makes us have to compensate. They break Skye's toys, tease him sometimes and mutter things under their breath when we walk by sometimes. I'm so worried about what a difference I'm making. I try my best to smile and chat with who I can, but sometimes I just want to go out in a backyard and sip my coffee in my p.j. pants and be "me". Then I realize that what I am here in my home can be what I am out there.
Psalm 91:4 "He will cover you with His feathers and under His wing you will find refuge. His faithfulness with be your shield and rampart." I was explaining to Skye what the word rampart meant and we came upon the story of Joshua and Jericho. You know those towers that held the city together? Those big strong beams? That's a rampart. Faithfulness is the theme for our family worship gatherings at church. They've summed it up for the little ones like this, "you can count on me."
I think this verse really hits a chord with me, cuz I love birds and the meaning of birds. We had Chase named "like a bird" until we found it to be a boy. I love the picture that analogy gives me-under his wing you will find refuge-have you ever been looking at a bird and then all of a sudden, seen a little bird poke it's head out from underneath a wing? YOU NEVER KNEW IT WAS THERE. Like, I'm totally safe and secure and protected from anything..no one has to even know I'm hiding under HIS WING.
Then, He is faithful. He won't give "them" the bigger ice cream cone. He won't give 'them' the better deal. He won't give 'them' everything they've ever dreamed of. He IS fair. He IS just. He will and does bring me favor. I am safe and can let go of my fear of being treated unfairly and let go of my fear that they don't deserve what He wants to give them, because it doesn't matter what they deserve. It matters that I didn't get what I deserved. It matters that I AM COVERED. He's got MY back. He sees that I am generous and they scoff. He sees that I'm trying to show my kids about TRUE love and TRUE kindness, in the face of "hardship" and "ugliness". He sees that they are selfish and rude and do everything for themselves. It doesn't matter...cuz HE wants me to hang out under His wing. And He wants me to look up at those HUGE ramparts and that shiney shield and know that the battle is already won and I can rest and I can pray that they get it someday too.