Grace

Not sure what to title this except for that. I've had a discussion with the husband, a speaking to from God and some hugs and kisses from my boys. I feel a little bit better. My husband firmly told me that I'm being challenged and to not give in. I must go prep for school but thought I'd say thank you to anyone who prayed for me after they read. My friend Jess is watching my boys for me tomorrow so I can have some time for just me to think. I think I'll go to a spinning class and then to get a pedicure or walk on the beach.

Really Struggling

I'm just going to be totally honest and I might end up erasing this.

I don't want help, I just want to be honest. I don't want advice I just want to say where I'm at.
I'm really, really sad about some relationship bumps that I've had.
I'm feeling so inadequate about teaching and keeping my home going.
I'm feeling so frustrated with who I am and yet I want to be something different and sometimes I can't.
I miss my sister bonds really bad.
I'm deeply sorrowed for certain family members who have hard things to deal with.

I'm deeply sadened by my sin. I often (and today is one of those days) ask God why He made me so passionate? Why am I in this neighborhood? Why do I have infestation of ants when I'm the cleanest lady I know...

Why am I not the little lady in church that everyone loves that is humble and quiet and keeps to herself? Why can't I be like that? Why am I always offending people? Why is it so hard to keep my mouth closed and please everybody? Why do I crave deep relationships? Why do I want to serve? Why do I get hurt? Why am I so odd? Why don't I fit her in So Cal (and other places..)Why can't I be the lady with 4 kids? (you know what I mean)

The pain and loss of several people in my life lately have really gripped me. I don't want to do homeschool and clean house and do ministry. I just want to sit on the grass and hold my children's hands, and play. I can't get it all done and it stresses me and creates discord in my soul that I don't seem to be doing it all. I'm in relationships that I don't want to be in,but seem to be right in front of me for a reason. I want to be with the people I want to be with and I don't know how to make that happen and my soul aches for that.

But my biggest reason for being sad today is sin...people are lying about me, people are mean to me and people misunderstand me...perhaps because of me. I know because of sin. I just hate it. I want to go to heaven to see Jesus and worship and have banquets (and not get fat). I'm just feeling really fragile today and want to run away to Jamaica and sell seashells on the seashore and live in a hut on the water's edge and walk. I don't want to be flawless and fearless and fancy.

So as mixed up and crazy as this email sounds, this is what I'm thankful for.
1. My solid as a rock husband who holds me usually so gently and takes my mixed up words
2. For a saviour who really does want to rescue me and bring to a place of contentment, joy and willing heart.
3. For a son who never takes a nap that is taking a nap now so I can pour my heart
4. For my other son, who usually takes a nap, sleeping at the same time as number1 son, so I can pour my heart out.

I'm going to end in a prayer because I can and because I need to...
"Dear Loving, Gracious Father. I need you to come and rescue me. I'm so broken and so sinful and so sad. I want things I can't have. I don't think things are fair. This is a hard week for me doing things I'm not sure I can do. I feel really attacked by the outside world and I know that part of that is because I'm close to you and Satan is trying to hinder your work. Please help me rise to your challenge of walking the narrow road. I'm really wanting your way, but am having a hard time seeing past my ants, my dishes and my sin. "

A little snipet from Wesley

I could not help but copy this little snippet from Piper's blog about a bit from Charles Wesley's book---read and be encouraged.

"On July 18, 1738, two months after his conversion, Charles Wesley did an amazing thing. He had spent the week witnessing to inmates at the Newgate prison with a friend named “Bray,” who he described as “a poor ignorant mechanic.” One of the men they spoke to was “a black slave that had robbed his master.” He was sick with a fever and was condemned to die.

Wesley and Bray asked if they could be locked in overnight with the prisoners who were to be executed the next day. That night they spoke the gospel. They told the men that “one came down from heaven to save lost sinners.” They described the sufferings of the Son of God, his sorrows, agony, and death.

The next day, the men were loaded onto a cart and taken to Tyburn. Charles went with them. Ropes were fastened around their necks so that the cart could be driven off and leave them swinging in the air to choke to death.

The fruit of Wesley’s and Bray’s night-long labor was astonishing. Here’s what Wesley wrote:

They were all cheerful; full of comfort, peace, and triumph; assuredly persuaded Christ had died for them, and waited to receive them into paradise. . . . The black . . . saluted me with his looks. As often as his eyes met mine, he smiled with the most composed, delightful countenance I ever saw.

We left them going to meet their Lord, ready for the bridegroom. When the cart drove off, not one stirred, or struggled for life, but meekly gave up their spirits. Exactly at twelve they were turned off. I spoke a few suitable words to the crowd; and returned, full of peace and confidence in our friends’ happiness. That hour under the gallows was the most blessed hour of my life. (Journal, vol 1, 120-123)

Two things amaze and inspire me in this story. One is the astonishing power of Wesley’s message about the truth and love of Christ. All the condemned prisoners were converted. And they were so deeply converted in one night that they could look death in the face (without any long period of “follow-up” or “discipling”) and give up their spirits with confidence that Christ would receive them. O, for such power and witness!

The other thing that amazes me is the sheer fact that Wesley went to the prison and asked to be locked up all night with condemned criminals. It was a huge risk. These men had nothing more to lose if they killed another person. Wesley had no supervisor telling him that this was his job. He was not a professional prison minister. It would have been comfortable and pleasant to spend the evening at home conversing with friends. Why did he go?

God put it in his heart to go. And Wesley yielded. Wesley believed in hell and heaven. He believed that what these prisoners believed from their hearts on that night would determine forever their eternal destiny. It was worth risking his life for. O that I might discern the leading of God when something outside my usual path is called for."

School Days ARE FOR REAL

The hair just kills me. It starts off being combed and spiked a little, then ends up looking, well, the reality of it all is that his head has already done about 80 tricks by this time..under blankets, in and out of water "projects". Today the pickles fell out of the bag and everywhere and he brought in the clean up "pickle juice" in a container and had it in his room..fingers in it, in his hair..oh my.

O.k. here we go. All I have left in me is the ability to tink on this board and then press enter. Here are 2 pictures from today.
I'll post later, but I thought I'd at least prove that we should not be charged with truancy? yah, that's a word, right?
So tired!!

Seaworld and the tooth

I'm going to have to figure out the order of this thing and why I don't know how to do it. So, today Alan said we were going to go to Seaworld and see Cirque De La Mar. I was exhausted, but knew that if we didn't use up our membership, we'd be sad in a few months and seeing that school starts, I was sure we should do this together. So above here's Skye rubbing his tongue all around his mouth because, guess what???? HIS TOOTH FELL OUT. First one. Yippee.


Here is me and Chase in the tideppool area. He loved it.

Cirque de la Mar


the tooth fell out during the show!

we went on the sky ride, one of our favorites. It's just beautiful.

Chase staring intently at the "ride"...what's that?
Here we all are on the ride
Here we are in the car on the way out
We woke up Chase Ray from his nap, so it was so hot I told Alan to load him up in the car pretty much naked.

The boys love hanging out with daddy. I could never take enough pics to measure the love..thanks Lord for these three "men".

Top Five Questions about the tooth/tooth fairy:
5. How big is she? (Aunti Lori told him that the fairy was smaller than his pinky finger)
4. What kind of tools does she bring with her to get the tooth from out underneath the pillow?
3. How does she know my name and address? (to which we told him that we coordinated that when we went to the dentist)
2. Why does it have blood in it?
1. Can I just sleep in my underwear like usual...is it appropriate for the tooth fairy to see my underwear momma? (to which we answered yes, and Alan quickly saved the day with "it's dark and she is tiny and she is searching for teeth, not underwear).

If we had known imaginary was this fun, we might have considered Santa long ago..hmmm..then again, no.

Pictures from dinner tonight

I don't know how to do order on this thing and it frustrates me...sorry everyone!! O.k. here is the ginormeous meatloaf and mashed potatoes. This place is called Hash House A Go Go and they are known for their generous size. WE got hooked on it last year at Chrsitmas when we received a gift card..anyways, you have to share, so we did and still took some home.
I love taking pictures of our drinks because it kind of speaks of our personalities. Plus, we always like to try new things, so it's fun. I got a blueberry mojito (with a whole mint tree added right?--look at all that mint!! and rum) and Alan got a mango pineapple margarita..You know, I must make another comment on the drinks...look at that complicated drink--it's all spillin over the sides, it's a couple different colors, and textures and it's bigger than that teeny drink. The teeny drink is bold, doesn't need any trees added and is just happy in that little cup..I'm facinated with drinks!
Here we are after we ate, starting to make out in the car..

Here's me in my wild printed calf length over coat thing..I had some cute jeans on and high heels---what??? oh, and did you notice the chunky necklace..in real life it was more of a contrast..oh well.

Besides a little necklace, Alan had this for me. The theme was "SMORE years together". The card also said something very gushy and totally heart melting..he's a gush when it comes to our anniversary!! The gift was 4 skewers from Restoration Hardware..they push down into themselves, like the old fashioned antenas and swivel (for cooking smores) and then the "packaging" material was little mini marshmallows and he went to this super upscale new choco shop and bought me 4 truffles..sea salt dark choco, cayenne pepper, double choco rosemary and blueberry sage? or something like that. The the sides had graham crackers sticking out!! I JUST DIED!!!! So creative, up my alley and all that.
We look old, don't we? So, here we are before we left, in our house. I have to wear glasses because I stayed up late watching a movie last night and so my eyes were almost all red and my contacts weren't comfortable..I'm getting old too cuz I can't usually wear my contacts at night..Alan doesn't think he's losing his hair but I do..what do you think? It's also really short right now for summer, but I still think he's balding. That's o.k. I have enough hair and other parts to share with 50 families.


Do we want wine, or a drink? hmmm..let me kiss you while I decide.

Happy Anniversary (technically) Alan

Skye with daddy about 4 years ago.
Daddy with Chase same age as Daddy with Skye above. And below, me and thee on our cruise about 2 years ago in Zihuatenejo..

Saw the bottom of the laundry basket and the sink today. Also spent 3 hours actually playing with the kids. I feel so good inside like I am giving my family what it needs. Tonight we're going out to simple dinner to celebrate the "actual" anniversary of our nuptuals (always feel like I'm saying a naughty word when I say that word) and we have a new sitter. Oh the sitter problem could get me on a tangent that I would never be able to recover from. O.k.
So, here are some things I'm grateful for my husband for:
1. His height..he's not tall, but about a head and a half taller than me, so that's perfect
2. His body..just love the way that God made his shape
3. His sense of humor that usually only comes out with me and few others
4. His methodical thinking/processing (this isn't something I've always been grateful for, but am learning it's much better than the way I process things...which is a also a tangent I wouldn't be able to recover from)
5. Slow and steady..not hasty
6. Doesn't yell at me ever
7. Doesn't waste our money ever
8. Doesn't want a lot of stuff..just experiences together
9. Loves his boys, loves his boys
10. Still thinks I'm hot, even after many pounds gained.

Thanks Alan, really for sticking it out with me for 14. I can't really get my mind to conquer that thought, but I will hope for another 14 at least together. I choose to love you and that's really not that hard.

Technical Details of the 14 month old..and counting

For those who are family and for those who want to know details that only a momma really LOVES, here's what poor Chase Ray (poor because he had to get shots today) came in at:

32 inches long (80%)
23 pounds (35%)
Head 80%, don't remember the number in inches, but this explains why I have to buy size 2T hats!

Said he was very busy for his age and doing lots of motor skills very well. When I asked about him not walking yet, he looked at me like I was weird. He also told me to never punish him, but just offer safe choices and redirect. Hmmm, wonder what kind of drug my Piercy would have been on had we "not" punished him!! I listened with a more humbled ear, as the verse about persuading those who don't know with kindness, echoed in my ear. He was a very nice old man and his scale and little measuring table was more than 50 years old..little drawers...all antique...stuff like that makes me smile. I love old and useful. Sometimes (this is a very big tangent) old is appealing to me. Like how persistent and wonderful that you've been a kid's doc for 35+ years..day in and day out..that really made me smile too. My gyno was an old guy and I just liked his perspective on stuff.

On a little side note, I was very pleased with Piercy's behaviour and was sooo grateful for good teaching, mentoring and people who pray for me. I can see growth and maturity at times like today when he chose good, and I'm just plain grateful. thanks God that although we had to wait 40 minutes in a teeny room with no toys, except momma, that Skye did so well and that when the doc came in he sat quietly and obeyed!

Starting to walk

14 Months Old

Here's my Chase Ray and other family members doing various things on and around his birth-day.
Facts:
he has 7 1/2 teeth
he can sometimes take a step
he LOVES his balls..one soccer and one little tiny basketball..he kicks and throws accurately!
he loves any food just about
he loves his dad a lot
he goes over to Skye each time he wakes up and snuggles with him, which is very fun because he's not a snuggler
he says, "maaaaama" when he really wants something and "dadda" and "baa" for daddy and ball.
he drinks from a cup now, no more bottle! (major accomplishment..phew!)
he drinks juice and other things from a cup, other than milk (major accomplishment..phew!)
he still naps from 9:40ish to 11 and 3-4:30
he loves to dip his food into somehting..like chips and dip, but not necessarily chips, just anything..really cute to us.

Homeschool

What a big topic and what little time I have! Here is the new info and schedule for me for homeschool. (I'm pretending like people really read this blog..and am just typing in case you want to know.

It's a charter, with the charter being homeschool. THere are about 1,700 kids involved and that does include a "traditional" school system, with specialized learning still being the focus of the traditional school too. The portion that we are a part of, integrates Skye into a more traditional classroom situation about twice a week. We have credits that we can use and choose classes for him, altho at his level (K) there are only 3. We decided to have reading/writing be one of them and then hands on science to be the other. He is taught in a classroom setting for those classes with me overseeing the homework/paperwork. The other subjects are all taught by me at home. I have an education facilitator that I am responsible for turning in reports (such as attendance and daily learning logs and then random interviews with Skye to see how he is doing) and Skye and I are required to meet with her every 25 days. I then give her a piece of each subject of his work and pictures to put in his file. I am also responsible for P.E. with him and have a list of about 30 vendors to choose from with subjects ranging from piano to the acitivities offered at the YMCA. Everything must be logged and reported and then at the end of the year his testing is conducted.
We start on the 25th and I'm excited and nervous. I received a computer as a gift from my husband and so fortunately I can take that along the road with us and track everything and keep as organized as I can...eek. Oh, and I forgot to mention that we meet with the other students/families for field trips and activities.

Our days will look something like this: Monday early morning--exercise and 3 subjects; noontime Language Arts at the Learning Center; Tues. early morning--exercise and 4 subjects, afternoon soccer/swimming at the Y; Wed. early morning--exercise and 3 subjects, noontime Science at the Learning Center; Thurs.--exercise and 3 subjects, afternoon at the Y; Fri. early morning exercise and then 1 or 2 subjects. Oh, and did I mention that Chase is still in our family? And daddy?!!! So, we'll see how this goes. I'm not too impressed with my subjects so far and it's a lot of lesson planning, which I'm a bit confused as why they would throw that at a new teacher, but I'm going to give it a try and not complain as I want to push through. So, I have a full time job that I'm signing up for and I thought I was taking the less intensive course!

Any questions or comments are welcomed.

Did I already say this?

Skye says to me after I was finished lathering him up with lotion, after his bath, "Momma! Shiney as a bus!"

Mr. Plumber and Olympics

Skye has officially finished his first olympics! Here's the order of events. I'll try and download some video, just have been having trouble downloading recently.
Skye did some growing over this past season of track and field. Mostly in sportsmanship..putting others before himself..however you want to word it. He hasn't really ever had any competition, but we met some boys that gave him a run for his money,literally.
He received first place for hurdles and relay, fastest.

No olympic games are complete without a grocery store cake!
...or a big jug o' water...
...don't forget the baby wipes...
Here he is with his buddy Eric, on their first relay...
Handing off the baton...
You can do it!!!
Sorry this is out of order..don't have time to change it..my disposal and dishwasher were not working and so finally, after a few days of eating off paper plates and dealing with the stench, Alan had a chance to get dirty. (I love the no shirt and apron..boys are silly, aren't they?) He finally found the problem---a nickel....so, all sorts of puns come to mind! I'm just really glad that he found the problem, put the whole kitchen back together and that I have a working dishwasher and disposal..thank you Mr. Plumber....nice muscles!
He liked this part, throwing the ball...

Thanks God for all the muscles and lessons learned. I actually have video of Skye cheering others to the finish. This is just testament of God's grace and favor..thank you Lord for whatever you did to bring the concept of 'others first' to Skye's heart. May these lessons and learning "stick". Thank you God too for the monies and daddy's willingness to support us in our YMCA adventures!

On Hold and alone

Been so convicted about how I put things on hold that are important to me. Like for example, I know that I love the feeling of being awake early in the morning before everyone else, but I put that on hold for some extra rest. I've also been really convicted about how I speak to Alan. He is a sinner just like me and at times I don't see things the way that he does. My initial response, OFTEN, is impatience or just downright anger. Then you add in some hormones sometimes and it seems like a vicious cycle. I just don't want to be this angry, impatient person. I feel like the next step in our relationship is HIS duty or HIS responsibility and it's really not. I cannot be blessed if I'm choosing to harbor stuff or choosing to try and be in charge of his responses and emotions.

The more I choose this, the more alone I feel. We have really, really different ways of doing things. Last night I got to the end of my day realizing that I was bummed the whole day. I don't want to be like this.

"Oh Lord, please forgive me for my pride and my high expectations that just really amount to a pile of pride. I'm so sorry. I want the freedom you offer. I want the peace and I want your blessing. Please help me continue to get up early and meet with you so I can stay stable and remain peacefilled. I want to be a calm, forgiving and forebearing woman."

Skye-isms

Skye says, "momma-God loves you more than a cookie." I say, "wow, great sweets!" then he says, "and God loves you more than a window washer"heeee!

He also said today, "momma, that guy (a strong man on the opening olympic ceremony) is as strong as Josh". I say, "your friend Josh?" (who's 5 and pretty slim) he says, "not my jokey Josh" (he refers to hiim as his friend who tells jokes) ""but my other Josh (his second cousin!)

And one more. "momma, do you get excited when YOU go to the park and see a lot of other moms there" I say, "well, not really, but sort of" then he says, "I get really excited when I go to a park and see all the kids there!". His innocence is wonderful.

Thank You Lord

Here's some really great information I just read from my state homeschooling news:
August 8, 2008

California--A Great Victory for California Homeschoolers

Dear HSLDA Members and Friends:

In a unanimous decision, the California Court of Appeal for the Second
Appellate District today ruled that "California statutes permit home
schooling as a species of private school education."

Today's decision stands in stark contrast to the opinion this same
three-judge panel issued in February, which would have made California
the only state in the union to outlaw home education had it remained
in effect.

"It is unusual for an appellate court to grant a petition for
rehearing as this court did in March," said HSLDA Chairman Mike
Farris, "but it is truly remarkable for a court to completely reverse
its own earlier opinion. We thank you for your prayers and give God
the glory for this great victory."

When the court vacated its earlier decision on March 25, 2008, it
invited interested organizations to file friend-of-the-court briefs.
"I have never seen such an impressive array of people and
organizations coming to the defense of homeschooling," said Farris,
who was one of the attorneys who argued the case on rehearing along
with Alliance Defense Fund attorney Jeff Shafer, who represented the
father. The father was also represented by Gary Kreep of the United
States Justice Foundation.

California's three largest homeschool organizations, California
Homeschool Network, Homeschool Association of California and Christian
Home Education Association joined together in one brief to defend the
right of all parents to homeschool. HSLDA, Family Protection
Ministries and Focus on the Family also joined in a separate brief.
Numerous other private organizations came to the defense of home
education as did California's governor, attorney general, and
superintendent of public instruction.

We are extremely grateful to all of the organizations who worked
tirelessly to protect and preserve homeschooling freedom in
California. We are also thankful for you, our members, for your
prayers and support during this trying season.

The freedom to homeschool is a precious gift from God. But keeping it
free requires vigilance and perseverance. We must continue to work
together diligently to preserve this precious freedom in California
and elsewhere.

Sincerely,

J. Michael Smith
HSLDA President

Anticipation

I feel almost like I'm going to have a baby...well, not that excited, but still very excited for the upcoming events. The first event that will happen is that my husband is taking a day off from his full time job on Friday. So, he'll get up and go to his early job, then come home by 10. Then we'll go to a little overnight activity. We're not sure yet...as we're still very limited with Chase. He's our sensitive one and we like to respect that.
The second thing is that all of my curriculum and my computer arrive in a few days. I've never dreamed of being a teacher. I never thought that I was capable of something like this..perhaps I'm not, just going to try my best to be organized. Not too many homeschooling moms I've talked with are overly concerned about the organization...seem to be the types that just sort of have this loose control of it and it works..I've never understood that as I strive to be so organized and feel like I'm always swimming upstream and the fish I'm suppose to be catching are jumping out of the water!!
The third thing is that I have 2 play dates scheduled between now and then with people who emailed me back. I haven't mentioned a ton about friendships, but there are a lot of people who I'd like to get to know, but they are either too busy, flake out on me or don't seem interested in getting to know me (I know that's totally hard to believe, huh?!!hee).
My niece is officially 8 1/2 pounds! I'm thanking God for each day. Continue to pray for the development of her eyes.
I get to be a stay at home mom. Today Skye asked me this, in the middle of a battle. "Momma, why doesn't God answer me?" I said, "about what?" He says, "I just prayed that you wouldn't be so mad at me and you still are being so mean to me." I told him that God does answer him and that I wasn't mad or mean, I was just expecting him to be a 5 year old not a 2 year old. He frowned at me. Ha! If you could have only videoed us from 4-8:pm tonight, you would have sold millions. These are some funny words I uttered:

"Skye, please don't ram that truck into Jake (his neighbor who's 2)"
"Skye, please go upstairs and use the restroom" as his swimming trunks were getting more and more wet from...um....NOT water.
"Skye, please put your tennis shoes on if you are going to race your friend, crocs aren't a stable choice" (I got a half scream,half "you're so dumb momma for saying that" grunt)

I always can judge a day by how many water activities we do, as it's something I can distract him with and it's great for his stimulation. We did 5 today, one of which consisted of soaking toilet paper rolls in water, waiting for them to half way disintegrate and then decorating our are of the neighborhood with wads and creations of goop. One was a "wash the patio, over water the plants" (and spill the bucket onto the kitchen floor) project. 2 baths and one laundry bucket pool experience. He's been soaking and playing in this pink circular laundry basket I have, since he was 6 months old. I fill it up with water and he plays in it. So, the fact that I fell asleep praying tonight with him, was predictable. I'm going to miss his busyness when he's older...I just know I am. He also built an aircraft carrier out of legos. I love seeing him create these masterpieces. It had 3 planes that he built himself, all sitting in perfect "spots" he had created for them. What would I do without legos? Probably watch t.v.!!! Just teasing!! I LOVE legos!!

Happy Birthday Alex and Aiden

We had a great time...love you boys!!

Sorry

I was so blatantly proud about my judging the children whose mommas weren't stay at home mommas. Pls. forgive...please forgive.

Renew, Refine, Refresh

Renew.
He never lets go.
His ways are higher than mine.
His plans are better than mine.
His mercies are new every morning.
His faithfulness stretches to the sky.
His path is painful.
His yoke is easy and burden is light.
He is real.
He is not just a man we talk about and can tap into every now and again.

He's real. He listens, wants me, wants all my drama, wants to know what my heart is saying. He beats for me.

Ask Him to renew you today. Your circumstances cannot define you. He MUST define us. He MUST be oozing out of us.

"Dear Lord, I am guilty of not putting you to the highest place. I am guilty of letting my emotions overtake my purpose for being here on earth. Please forgive me. Please give me time today at every crossroad of sin/frustration/anger/temptation/sadness to stop and remember that you died for me, you love me and you want me to glorify you. You give me not one ounce more than I can handle. You are worthy, you are HOLY, you are an awesome God who controls this universe, the shifts in sand in the desert, the amount of rain in the amazon---you ARE IN CONTROL AND help me to remember that. Thanks for choosing me. "