Been so convicted about how I put things on hold that are important to me. Like for example, I know that I love the feeling of being awake early in the morning before everyone else, but I put that on hold for some extra rest. I've also been really convicted about how I speak to Alan. He is a sinner just like me and at times I don't see things the way that he does. My initial response, OFTEN, is impatience or just downright anger. Then you add in some hormones sometimes and it seems like a vicious cycle. I just don't want to be this angry, impatient person. I feel like the next step in our relationship is HIS duty or HIS responsibility and it's really not. I cannot be blessed if I'm choosing to harbor stuff or choosing to try and be in charge of his responses and emotions.
The more I choose this, the more alone I feel. We have really, really different ways of doing things. Last night I got to the end of my day realizing that I was bummed the whole day. I don't want to be like this.
"Oh Lord, please forgive me for my pride and my high expectations that just really amount to a pile of pride. I'm so sorry. I want the freedom you offer. I want the peace and I want your blessing. Please help me continue to get up early and meet with you so I can stay stable and remain peacefilled. I want to be a calm, forgiving and forebearing woman."
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