New Year

We went to the zoo one more time today to finish off our membership passes. Phew..we've been to the zoo about 30 times maybe this last year? I love seeing all the different plants, colors and animals. My favorite was this two headed snake. I think what I love about it is it's color striping..I love black and white and I also love that it's not scientific. At the zoo they always push the "scientific" proof stuff. This just defies any sort of that nonsense. I think God made this scary snake for us this year so we could go and have time together (me and Skye specifically) and enjoy it.
What I'm leading up to (I know, not so good at the subtle transitional thoughts) is that I really was convinced this year that God gave our family so many subtle clues to point us to Him. He really has outdone himself.
I bought this new bible for Skye for Christmas and we've only just begun to read it, but it's already just reminding me that God did all this because He wants my heart and he wants me just the way I am ... he wants a relationship with me, not so much the grass, the birds--but ME. Skye told me tonight... "God didn't make bikes momma, he didn't make everything...BUT, he did make me momma, huh?"
So, happy new year. Hopefully the journey ahead isn't as hard as the journey behind us, eh? I'm praying for a year of pumpkin spice lattes, some serious weight loss and not too many cobwebs (they come ya know, after you have more than one kid!)

A Miracle....the Bottle!

So, we've been working on this bottle thing for, um, 4 solid months. To say I have a stubborn child who just wants to nurse, is true, true, true. Tonight, after waking up-- because he didn't get enough breastmilk at dinner, I sent Alan in there to give him a bottle. I didn't hear anything for about 5 minutes and then went to check, without Chase seeing me. Alan nodded his head!! He was drinking the bottle!!! What??? Yipee!! Thanks Lord. I feel like an elephant has just moved position off MY CHEST!!!
He drank about 4 ounces. Then I nursed him. I also made a big deal and let him eat my nose (which is one of his favorite things to do) and I just kept praising him.

Ice Cream

So my little one won't take any sort of sippy cup, bottle, straw or combination thereof, but he will eat cheesecake icecream. Yep, I gave him a taste tonight and I had to limit him after about 2 tablespoons. No wincing, no faces, no spitting up...just pure smiles and smacks. Go figure!!

Different Perspective

With the emotion of being me, and the ups and downs and the thoughts I give (too much actually) to everything, I'm back at it again, with a different outlook.
We've all been very sick over here..perhaps to slow me down and force me into just hanging out and not having time to rant on my blog. I'm not a very content person at times and realize this when I read my old blogs. I get tired of everything and then I read it and weep and realize I need a Saviour.
We had a glorious Christmas. My husband outdid himself again. My dear friend sent the most admirable and thoughtful gift, it might as well had been a million bucks. My mother sent me dishes (what girl doesn't want brown and teal dishes?) My sister who just had a baby sent me a gift too! It really was a humbling Christmas. For all my ranting about how much I was dreading opening the Target unthoughtful gifts, my husband really thought about it. So, I owe whomever reads these things, an apology..a big one. We also spent some time reading the story of Christmas and all cried (well, me and Alan). It was really powerful to us..what Christ did for us.
The glorious thing about this Christmas was that I really enjoyed being healthy...until I got sick half way through Christmas day and all the next and into the next night. I had to call Alan home from work to come and take care of me and the boys. Haven't done that in months and months.
We went to my aunts (after opening our own gifts) and she and my cousin had spent hours decorating, cooking and making treats for us. Then they lavished us with like 3 gifts each..my cousin Krissy hand knit beanie hats (matching, of course) for the boys. I was blown out of the water!!
I look at my family and I really am glad to not be pregnant and to be on the mend. Did I say that I'm glad to not be pregnant and on the mend? Oh yah, I did...

Prayer

Very introspective today. One of those days where it would have been nice to be alone all day. Yes, you heard me, the extrovert, said it. I just wanted to sit and be with God. I was really moved by a book I read last night for devos and was just wanting to cry and be with my comforter. I'm seeming to run out of energy these days at breakneck speed. I feel like a robot at times, going through the motions and trying to keep up with the demands of my husband and children. I feel that if I don't cry or scream, no one listens to my needs. I realize that is very selfish. And that's where I'm at. I want to go get/do something alone. I want my life and don't want it arranged any different, but honestly the amount of work that goes into a day is breaking me. Yesterday I was teasing about the clothes pile, but it's so overwhelming..why is it that complicated? I thought moving to a small space and not buying much would help. Then I'm also (honestly) irritated with my husband for buying gifts at the last minute. I know it's hypocritical, as I do not send mine out on time, but I have thought them through and purchased them ahead of time (like in June) and have hid them in special spots and have anticipated etc.,etc..and he goes to Target today and buys me something. He ALWAYS gets me great things, but I really just want some lip balm or something that he has paid attention to the detail and purchased. I told him I don't want any presents. I really feel blessed with just having Chase and being semi healthy this year.
We started a "why you don't like Christmas" talk. It didn't go well. He asked me this morning (after putting up a Charlie Brown tree that we cut down in the forest that is 5 feet tall and is very wimpy, but it smells great and we've only had it up 1 week) when we can take it down because it's just taking up space!! (don't throw tomatoes at him) I'd love a victorian home and put up with it all year--in terms of cleaning etc.., just for the privilege of hanging those fresh wreaths in the windows and decorating the mantel. Him...a tin tree with a lump of coal will do..and don't buy the tin tree...get a dead one from the forest and steal some silver paint from the trash in the back of home depot! (now I'm really typing funny stuff)
I know what he really wants..a million bucks to let me buy and ship whatever I want without a dent in my budget..BUT... that doesn't happen (probably because I buy so much stuff during the year that there isn't any money left over) so he just doesn't want to waste anymore on a Hallmark pumped up holiday. He just wants the simplicity of it all. I want the simplicity and meaning, PLUS A WHOLE LOT MORE..which isn't simplicity..I realize.
I'm just down too because of my intense feeding schedule..which has been great today and I actually went out and got a hair cut (gasp everyone) and ALAN WATCHED BOTH KIDS..LET ME REPEAT...ALAN WATCHED BOTH KIDS. So, I had a 2 hour break, very needed. I just want some prayer. I want to be grateful for my health and that I can even clean for 5 hours a day and do kids and shopping and meal crafting... just pray that for me! I'm also a pretty selfish gal..some prayer on that might be good. Much love.

It's Friday Night and...

even tho my husband is attempting to spend time with me, he is failing miserably, well, sort of. He is sitting right here and if you put your ear to the monitor you will be able to feel his breath and his snore!! Hee! We are pooped. We somehow got energy last night around 12am..yes, a.m., after I had fed Chase again, and then stayed up wrapping gifts and talking until 1:40. He will sometimes tell stories to Skye while I tidy up around the house and answer emails etc..and usually falls asleep for a couple hours, I wake him, then he transfers to wherever I am and falls back asleep. Usually the bed, but sometimes right here, as I'm always complaining I don't get enough of him, so he'll try and stay by me. I complained again tonight that his early morning schedule, I am grateful for, makes me miss him and he said he was thinking about it today and that I should wake up with him at 4 and have coffee together and "talk" (as he cocked his head and pursed his lips together, put his fingers in the parenthesis position and spoke in a very feminine facetious tone). Actually, that's when I get up to nurse Chase so I don't think it would be that bad..when it would get reeeeeally tempting is at about 2pm. So, here we are on a Friday night, me typing at my blog and my husband sound asleep at my side.
I did the clothes sort today. Here are all the possible piles. I only mention them because to the average, non-momma type person, this might seem made up, but NO, it is true:

Pile 1- Goodwill, things that are too stained to bother or stuff that I had my kids wear because I felt guilty throwing it away and not being a good steward of the "free" items, but I disliked from the beginning..now I feel justified putting it to goodwill. Also, clothes that might interupt my longstanding terrific "clothes-reputation"...if you know what I mean...
Pile 2-Consignment, clothes that are pretty cute, but not necessarily matched up with anything..random GAP overalls, good condition but out of season of what anybody I know, kids sizes are...OR an outfit that I know I can make some money on
Pile 3-EBAY for sale. These are pristine outfits..sets, more like it..things I know I can make some money back on and I have the blanket, socks, 2 undershirts..the sweater...
Pile 4-Too small for Skye clothes, but maybe save for Chase that are PLAY CLOTHES
Pile 5- Too small for Chase clothes that maybe Lori or April or someone might need in a few months, but not sure what sex they are having, so it's a bit gender neutral looking
Pile 6-Too small for Chase and someone let me borrow it, so I must return it
Pile 7-Soak Pile..to be determined after a small stain is removed
Pile 8 STOP THE MADNESS.
Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeallly...

Christmas Time

I'm enjoying Christmas time this year. I've been sick and pregnant the last two and so it's been good to re-do memories that haven't had the best flavor in our mouths. We've sort of been eating up every moment together. We've gone to the mountains for the first big snow, we built a snowman, drove all the way back to San Diego and it was still on our car (we took the 70 mile-an-hour freeway route!), isn't that amazing? We've decorated cookies, drank cocoa a lot, played tons of Christmas music and I've done too much on-line shopping. All that needs to happen is I need to fill up my door with all of your Christmas picture/cards. Honestly, some baked goods, a Starbucks gift card now and then (or something similarly relaxing) and pictures of everybody and their kids, really warms my heart. Today in Bible Study, every woman had made something or bought something for the rest of us. So I walked home with 5 presents, all for me--um, when does that happen? One jar of home made blueberry granola, one chinese takeout box of home made cookies, one donated amount to Crisis Pregnancy (wasn't that cool?), one Starbucks card and one big homemade caramel/chocolate drizzled apple. Plus, one of the girls had done that friendship bread and even tho she had sick kids, dropped it off for all of us. I love doing that kind of stuff! I had gotten "Stepping Heavenward" by Elizabeth Prentiss for everyone. I sort of felt badly that my gift wasn't homemade, especially seeing that I love that kind of stuff. We also spent our time today in bbstudy talking and praying for everyone. It felt really good to be real and just pray.
O.k. I need to get some sleep. I'm aching all over and my ears hurt..hopefully it's just allergies.

December Nights

We had a nice time this afternoon at our annual tradition of December Nights at Balboa Park. Last year I was too sick to go, so as I was walking with the baby in the sling and Skye's running up ahead and I'm holding my lover's hand, I looked at Alan and said, "ultimate, eh?" We are so glad to be back together and healthy again. So, grateful to God for sparing our lives together thus far. So grateful to be eating chocolate covered bananas and strawberries on a stick! Then we came home (after missing the "snow mountain"bummer) and watched "Facing the Giants" by Alex and Stephen Kendrick. It was an excellent movie. Totally recommend for those who haven't seen it. Cried, cried.

Favorite Things

I know I'm not suppose to offer a suggestion for Christmas gifts, but even if you just go looking on the website at stuff and drool for me, that's good enough.
LOVE<>

Random Pics and Quotes

Today was extreme. Extremely good behaviour and then extremely bad behaviour, complete with a bite at the end, just to top it all off! Fortunately I did not bite back, but sent one of mine to his room in his bed while I composed myself before the talk/discipline. Eh-hem. It probably didn't help that daddy didn't come home until late and we had already had a "lack of self control" day (from my standpoint)..sort of gets that way around here when I get too engrossed in my projects and this time I was trying to surprise Alan with the 3 fold Christmas letter brochure. Thought I'd bless him by doing it as he wants it done, but hates, hates doing it. Now the oven has been "preheating" for an hour and I still have pumpkin bread to make for the morning bbstudy group, MomSpace. Ahhh!!

HAPPY THOUGHTS

Quick question before i forget? What should I get Alan for Christmas...any ideas?

I got new glasses. Today I got a new hair cut and then came home (after I told her NOT to cut the bangs) and cut bangs. So, now I have a new haircut and bangs..hmmm. NOt sure how I feel about this. (Major important life issue, I know.)
Haven't spent much time with the Lord this week. I don't know how to do that with extended family here..I end up staying up late cleaning, then I can't get up in the morning. Back on track tomorrow morning. I need perspective and cleansing and nourishment.
I'm doing my Christmas cards. If you haven't received one in the past and want one, email me.
It was almost 80 yesterday and 75 today..too hot for me.It's crazy..what do I put my kids in to wear? Man, the stress I have to endure? Shorts? Or "long shorts" as Skye calls them.
O.k. 2 things Skye said and then I have to go to bed. 1. "Momma, do you know why boys are better than girls? Because when they are on the swings, they don't have to have the long hair in their eyes and can't see."
2. "Momma, I can't get over you. I love you the most. But lower than God!" hee.
Oh man!! He's so fun.

Intense

Has been an intense week. All the relatives came. We had the funeral and service and reception. People weren't happy, weren't getting along, didn't know exactly how to cope. Please pray for resolution for all.
I've been having milk supply issues. It is getting much better and except at certain times in the day, I think o.k., altho today he had trouble. I just realized that I'm feeding him double iron..iron in the formula that I add to the cereal and iron fortified cereal. Ick. Today he's constipated. I've never heard him scream before like this..poor little guy. I KNOW how that feels to be constipated.
I had a great Advent Event. My team (mostly people who were already my friends) helped immensely. The only glitch was that 4 people didn't come and one person was the other half of the meat. .. eh--hem..can't have taco salads without meat. So, we made fresh advent wreaths (found this really neat floral warehouse) and made cookies and crafts..it was great.
I'll post even happier news on the next entry.