Good Ol' Jimbo

Jim Elliot: “Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation that you believe to be the will of God.”

Watched Chariots of Fire tonight. I loved, loved it! I don't remember ever seeing it, altho my mother might disagree. Anyways, I loved when he said that he feels God's favor when he runs, and fast. Isn't that where we find ourselves feeling the best? Is when we are doing what we are suppose to be doing and what we like doing, in God's favor and FAST? That was convicting/encouraging for me..

One side note: please pray for my sister Noelle, she is not doing well right now and my heart is heavy for her. Thanks.

info for reba

Hey..don't know your email.
5252 Orange Avenue, Unit 114
San Diego, CA 92115
miller.lisa.a@cox.net

Don't worry, this is a private blog, those who are reading, have already hunted me down.

Pics from the other day

Look how pretty she is, even when she plays "Cotton Candy" the poodle dog! Even her little owie on her eye matches her doggie game! Poor Lydia!
Chase tries a little dip.
me and Lyd's hanging out (short for Lydia!)
The 2 hours water fight between Josiah and Skye
Hmm what would George think of this? SkyeVader?
Ready aim, "times!!"
"I'll get him if it's the death of me"
Here's someone smaller than me to shoot!! Micah playing with Chase.
We house/kid sat all day for our friends. We actually had a good time and other than a few dishes in the sink, I think I managed to keep the fires at bay and the ants out..but I did let a few flies in!

Examining and Hurt

Hi. I've been examining the way I deal with people lately. I've really been hurt lately by certain "friendships" and mostly things I thought would go away in high school. I've also noticed that when I talk to Alan sometimes, it's in a very "motherly" tone.

So, here's my thought..I want to be a better friend..not just so that I can "clear" my head of my pain, but also so I can really be a better friend. I feel like some of the disappointment lately could have been avoided had I not gossiped or not talked so much etc..

I want some input. I know it's gonna be painful, but I want to know how i can change. I feel like I'm not real or something..or annoying..anyways, I think overall I'm a super selfish person.

Give me one idea. Don't sugar coat it. I want to change..I don't want to have this happen when I'm 80. I won't hate you. I promise!

disappointed

Ty didn't want to be president, so Jen is president. ergh. I'm just mad. I don't want to do this another year with not much getting done..but I am not God and I know that..just mad. I'm tired. Goodnight grumpy...who you callin grumpy?

Morning fun

HI there!
I love eating and eating.
Here I am eating my muffin and banana outside!

And here I am riding my bike.

We might have to raise the seat again..looks like you are getting taller babe.

Lots of randomness

How's that for a title?
I'm so all over the page tonight..first of all, please pray for my little niece Felicity. She's needing to get off her oxygen. When her daddy holds her, she breaths on her own and really well, but her daddy needs to work, so please pray that she'll eat really well and breath on her own. Lori (my sis) is completely frustrated with the care and nurses right now and really thinks that if she could be there with Felicity more, she would come home..but of course she has the 2 boys.
Secondly, I'm a bit overwhelmed by all of the paperwork and commitment for Skye going to school..or should I say, Ms. Lisa teaching him. (what should my name be?) So, I have a lot to do before then. I ordred my curriculm and I'll have a week to look at it, do some lesson plans, before turning everything in to my EF (education facilitator). EEEEk. I'm required every school day to fill out a log of how we did things and what. EVERY DAY? I'm not sure at this point if I'm going to the bathroom everyday, how am I suppose to track that? Phew..I'm so artsy and other words, can't begin to think of fitting into teacher mode. But what are my other options? EXACTLY MY POINT.
O.k. so on to something else before I burst with anticipation anxiety. A very simple question, but what cellular plan do you have and do you like it? I need some feedback.

On another note: please pray for this complex and specifically tomorrow night. The board of directors will chose amongst themselves positions..such as president..etc. The woman (jen) that's in the seat right now has been about 80% not good, so we want her out. Pray that God's will be done. We've also had some strange security musings over the last bit, especially with all the new renters in here..please pray for that and that God's name will reign (I know he's always reigning, but that I will see it and that others won't reject HIM)

And lastly, here are some pics from our little bike ride this early morning. We ate breakfast outside and it was pretty fun.

Family Trouble

With all the recent family drama that's been happening in our neck of the woods, I thought this prayer might be good..and helpful...

“O God, I cannot endure to see the destruction of my kindred.

Let those that are united to me in tender ties

be precious in thy sight and devoted to thy glory….

Let not those of my family who are amiable, moral, attractive,

fall short of heaven at last;

Grant that the promising appearances of a tender conscience,

soft heart, the alarms and delights of thy Word,

be not finally blotted out,

but bring forth judgment unto victory in all whom I love."

Happy Birthday Chase

Others (my other friend bloggers) often post things about people that they like, such as their husbands, kids accomplishments, promotions..I guess I'm feeling a bit selfish. I post pictures and I journal. I really use this blog to help me journal as I am a rambler, talker and gabber. I must do this so I don't hold anything inside and have a panic attack, but I've realized over the years (here comes the rabbit trail) that Proverbs talks specifically about those who talk a lot..in a not so holy way...soooo, this is why I blog. I almost feel like too, that it's not well for me to boast of things other than the cross, which I find incredibly difficult to do..for one, I have the best life a girl could get and two, I know I'm suppose to keep the braggin to a minimum and only about certain things like God. So, in a round about way, I'm thanking God. So, hopefully this isn't a brag and you feel like getting to know God better after you read about my Chase.

You were there..all the way...you were always there.

That's the words from a song I love by Avalon. God has been with me and "there" through everything I've experienced. It was my heart's desire to birth children naturally, since the time I hit puberty..just about. Having children has not come naturally to me and even through my bitterness, physical pain and other sufferings, God has still been here. I feel so honored that he chose me to be this little boy's momma. I love that he wakes up and doesn't want to be cuddled, he just smiles and then buzzzz, all around the house, looking for things to open, eat and bang on.

I feel so honored that God chose to give me the desire to schedule this kid differently than I scheduled Skye. I feel honored that God gave me Chase with orange hair, which is one thing I prayed for. I feel honored to be chosen for this task and I can see the miracles that God has given us to get to this point. I don't miss the details of this baby's design. I love the way his tiny little mouth can give the biggest grin you've ever seen. I love his tiny little frame, as compared with his brother's not-so-tiny frame. I love that he always wakes up and gets tired at the same time and he doesn't want me to be with him in his bed. I love that he likes the pool water very warm and won't go in when it's cold. I love that he crawls all around the house saying either "nye, nye" or "maaaam" looking for me..that's ME, his momma. What? I'm so blessed.

So, I think back to the moment when I boarded the cruise ship to mourn the death of my other... I thought about the big waves and the hopelessness that I felt knowing that I wasn't the mother of any new baby. The moment when I stood on the edge of the boat, looking out over the ocean and it was me, the ocean and God..no noise from the deck and no real thoughts in my mind..just a space and moment. HE IS HERE..I remember saying to myself. THIS IS THE SAME SEA THAT PETER HAD FAITH (or not so much) FAITH ON.. I said, THIS IS THE SAME SEA THAT HE FORMED FROM THE BEGINNING OF TIME..THE SAME SEA THAT CAN, AT ANY MOMENT BE ROUGH OR CALM, ACCORDING TO HIS WORD...and if He can hold this big sea then He will carry me. I can have faith.

So happy birthday sweet Chase, my hopes and dreams have come true. Not because you can crawl, not because you are 19 pounds, not because you can sleep through the night, but because you are God's witness to me that He is Here, and He is who He says He is.

pics

Chase Ray is One!! We had super deluxe cup cakes and an ice cream and topping fest..with 10 different toppings..say oooo.
Dillon Vindiola, Seth Svitenko and Skye riding the 100 year old carousel. This chair tipped back and forth very fast..so fun!
Chase looks so beat up..oh well, at least I look tan..hee! just teasing!
Here are the boys in their matchy matchy!! I scored with these hats and shirts..total= less than $30 from Janie and Jack!
Chase's birthday present from us..this little ball shooting machine. I brought some toys like this and put out blankets so the little ones would have a good time too..the big kids loved it!
I felt really like a champion creating these. these little boxes had giraffes that stuck up. I filled each one with playdough and m'ms. I had buckets filled with treats...and jelly beans all around for decor, beside the candy. Skye was buggin me all week about the whip cream so at the party I gave him his own bottle and he and his friends filled the balloons with it and then threw it at each other..phew..it was messy and fun!
The boys taking a cuddle.
Aiden and Chase..Chase loves Aiden..it's Jen's boy, well one of them!
Aubrey..she's one of my favorite!
the new do.

Not sure what to call it

Since my blog is my blog and it's really just an extension of my journal and verbage to God, I really can't profess to make things always make sense and sound/look good. I've really been wrestling with God lately.
I feel like I'm underneath the giant water jug and the spout is open and I can't get enough of living water. I also feel like I don't want Gatorade or anything other than pure water. I really have been in such a dry land for so many months. Partly due to time and nursing Chase and him not getting enough, so him not having a steady sleep schedule, so therefore me not getting steady sleep and now I feel like I've finally had 3-4 months of solid God time and I'm rejuvenating.
There are parts of me that I haven't been able to fix and it's frustrating. Such as my weight. Since having 2 and being the kind of person that has to exercise to stay fit, I just haven't quite figured out how to put that in. I've also been homeschooling Skye and then just trying to clean and cook and all that..me, personally, I haven't handled the transition well. O.k. so that was a bit of a trail, but anyways, I'm just entering another pure season. God told me two things: refinement and refreshment.
REFINE has meant for me:
1. weeding out friendships that aren't pointing me towards Christ. Either friends that aren't truly friends, but merely people that I fill my life with because I can't wait or just get lonely.
2. Learning to have discipline and self control. I preach to my kids all the time about patience and self control and find that often times I lack it. One thing that I was totally encouraged to do after reading the book, "Shopping for Time" was to join the 5AM club. Besides the fact that I love staying up late when all is quiet, I really have become so lazy in my devotional time, sort of having the attitude that "if I fit it in during the kids rest time then that's good". What I was finding that it gets to be 10, 11, 12 and I still haven't read, taken a shower or done anything with me and God. How can that equip me for battle if I'm not ready? So, I've tried to make that a priority. I have gradually moved from 6:30, to 6:00 and now this next month I'm gonna try to move to 5:30. I don't do it everyday and insteadof looking at how many times in the week I didn't, I just try and look to the next day and remember how safe and warm and protected I feel when I'm with God.
3. Learning to let some family members go to God. I can't really say much more than that, but I've really been struggling with expectations and unhealthy family relationships. It's been time for me to pull back and let God fill those places that I'm trying to get from others. The same has been for some friendships too.
REFRESH
1. Experiencing nature more.
2. Worshipping with my kids more.
3. keeping my open bible out and instead of checking my email or picking up the phone (which I still do) I catch little moments from the bible.
4. Each ill thought that comes in my mind, I take it captive and acknowledge that I cannot make it through each day alone and that I cannot do this alone and that I will not give in to unhealthy, toxic and evil thoughts..thoughts that are not pure and lovely..well, I'm working on that one!
O.k.my wrists ache..must sign off.
I'll post pics of my Chase Ray next time.

Convicted of my own sin and some other musings

i've been really surrounded by sin lately. I cannot even articulate my own thoughts and feelings. I feel pressure from living out here in S.D. I feel like I cannot step out into the street and not be bombarded by sadness, sin and temptation. One of the most recent things that happened to me, is that my t.v. broke. Those of you who know me well, know that I own the original t.v. that I bought from selling the car my daddy bought for me, back in 1995. We bought the t.v. and dvd/vcr for a total of $400. I felt guilty then and wished I had never bought it.
I am so tempted by t.v...the whole lust side of it (sexual and material) and I can get sucked in SO quickly. You will not believe this, but when SEinfeld and Friends went off the air, a part of me died. Like I really felt sad. (As I'm typing right now, the police helicopter is circling, circling..eh-hem..stay focused LIs, stay focused) Others have often asked why we don't have t.v. and I go into this explanation that often feels proud and trite (is that a word?) So, here's my explanation and hopefully not CONDEMNATION for you, but encouragement as well. Now if I could only fit Bridges, Piper and some other guys in my pocket for quick reference and eloquence on other issues..I tend to mess things up.

“My wife and I don’t own a TV.” I was standing in a church parking lot after volunteer training for our local crisis pregnancy center talking with the director. Two other trainees that I had just met were also there, and I think we were all quite surprised at what was just a passing comment. But the Lord used that comment to begin to draw back the curtain of desensitization that had been clouding my eyes and blinding me from Truth. Now after 12 years of not owning a TV myself and not having stepped in a movie theatre since 1994, I see somewhat more clearly what secular entertainment was doing to 1)my testimony as a Christian, 2)my relationship with my husband, and most importantly, 3)my relationship with Jesus Christ.

First, my testimony as a Christian. The world expects us to be different. Many times our brothers and sisters in Christ will exclaim upon hearing about our entertainment convictions, “Oh, how do you expect to engage the culture?” From beginning to end of the Bible, God set apart His people to be a holy people, and my desire to be holy has never hindered my passion for people to know about my Precious Savior. I’ve found quite the opposite to be true; my non-believing friends are intrigued by what I have found that is so awesome that I don’t have an interest in television and movies. As John Piper often reminds us, “The reason that the world doesn’t ask us why we have the hope that we have is because we look as if we’re hoping in the same things they are.” We are also influencing other Christians by the choices we make. That CPC director influenced me to go “farther up and further in” with Jesus.

Secondly, my relationship with my husband. About five years into our marriage, I discovered my husband’s use of pornography, but it was not until the past few years that I was brought to my knees in pain and confusion over how long it would last. As I cried out to the Lord, He showed me in His Word how I had been a part of the sin by bringing things into our home that fueled the fire of lust. “I will set before my eyes no vile thing.” (Psalm 101:3) “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8) It is rare to find a secular movie in which the women are dressed modestly, and our husbands, as they fight an incredible battle against lust, should not be watching. (For an awesome series on modesty and a checklist to see if you’re dressing modestly yourself, read C.J. Mahaney’s recent blog posts

Lastly, my relationship with Jesus Christ. Oh, how I love You, Jesus!! How can I bring glory to You, Lord? Not longer after my meeting with the director of the CPC, my husband, John, and I participated in a Bible study on a book called “The Pursuit of Holiness” by Jerry Bridges. Bridges challenges his reader to ask four questions when seeking to determine God’s will and develop convictions in areas that aren’t specifically mentioned in the Bible: 1)Is it helpful – physically, spiritually, and mentally? 1 Corinthians 6:12 2)Does it bring me under its power? 1 Corinthians 6:12 3)Does it hurt others? 1 Corinthians 8:13 4)Does it glorify God? 1 Corinthians 10:31 And John Piper has a list of questions in “Don’t Waste Your Life” to ask ourselves about possible behaviors: How will this help me treasure Christ? How will it help me know Christ or display Christ? How will it help me show that I do treasure Christ? How can I portray God as glorious in this action? How can I enjoy making much of him in this behavior?

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but the world.” (1 John 2:15-17) Again John Piper writes, “My parents almost never went to movies, and I almost never go to movies. The reason is very simple: there are almost no movies that don't ask me to be entertained by attitudes, motives, and actions which Jesus died to eradicate. My heart will not allow me to be entertained by worldliness.”

As Piper tells us we were created for far more than nights of watching television and movies, and there’s greater joy for us in spending time with neighbors, feeding the homeless, mentoring inner city kids, visiting those in prison, studying the Bible with our spouse, memorizing Scripture, counseling the brokenhearted….the list could go on and on! Oh, my heart’s desire is to show an unbelieving world that I treasure Christ, that He is glorious, that I enjoy Him and delight in Him! Please pray for me that it will be so in my life!!!

Barely Won and TAG..you're it.

Just thought I'd let you know that Alan barely won the H.O.A. election. I counted them. Made me sad that Jen is still on..what is God doing here? Humbling me for sure.

On to other more exciting news, I'm doing a tag..altho I'm really not sure many people read this..perhaps it's more for me to tag myself and look at my answers?

1. What are 5 things on your to-do list?
Make cupcakes for Chase's birthday party
Go to party city and get the rest of the decorations
Take Skye Father's Day shopping
Put up the shelves in my closet
Make the eats for the party

2. What are 5 favorite snacks?
Frozen dark chocolate
Reese's Peanut Butter Pieces, Banana and vanilla ice cream
Kettle's Onion Potato Chips
Queso dip and chips
Diet Cherry Coke and White Cheddar Cheese Its

3. List 5 favorite cake/cupcake flavors
lemon and coconut
raspberry and chocolate
pineapple upside down
chocolate, chocolate chip
carrot

4. What vacation do you want to go on this year? Realistically.
Nice camping trip; hotel overnight for New Year's Eve

5. Names you might have been called, or might to have liked to been called: (disclaimer..this is in NO WAY, shaming your parents..)

Marni
o.k. just kidding
Rebecca
Jane
Candy
Julianne
MarthaGray (a real friend's name and I just like the way it rolls)

Our regular summertime Thursday morning activity.
April's Seth and Heather's Micah..they are both 2.
Heather's crazy Lydia, Josh's friend Katy and behind her Josh
Josh and then Skye in the background
Chloe and a breast..we won't say who's it is.
Me and April Ciervo..Skye calls her Mrs. C. He says that's code for Mrs. Ciervo
Heather (and her husband Dave) and me..she is one of the leaders in our Fri night community group

Very Melancholy

Not sure if that's even a term in scripture, but I don't really know how to explain how I'm feeling. Perhaps misunderstood by others sometimes? Perhaps I'm not a very good communicator? I'm really sad today. I'm sad about suffering, sad about not getting the things I want. Sad about my small space that my boys can't be "boys" in sometimes. (still grateful) I just feel inward focused.

My little one has been up 4 nights in a row. I'm sleep deprived and can't seem to get over some disappointments. I'm also sad for other people and their sorrow. I miss some dear people in my life. I don't want to explain myself to new people I meet. I want a good bbsitter that I can bond with and not explain everything to. I really want good communication with my husband. I want this HOA stuff to be more hopeful..just feel like it's endless negative comments..like I sometimes don't want to go out my front door.

I pray that I can stop thinking about all the sickness, death and sadness and look forward to heaven. It felt really good tonight when Skye and I watched a movie together and just sat the whole time on the couch and snuggled. He knows what's good for me!

I pray I can encourage others and not expect anything in return. I really want to serve and be a good friend, just feel like I can't do it at times.
O.k. off to bed.

pics wont dowload..I'll try in the morning..

So much life, so little time

I realized how busy I am when I try and keep up with posts. I'm really grateful. I just have so much to be thankful for. At times the details can get in the way of experiencing what I really want to. That crisp early morning, reading out on the porch with my cup of steaming Joe..sitting in the park on a blanket, versus walking slowly behind my almost walking pre-toddler..sitting on the phone with my sister instead of being right beside her at her baby's bedside...looking at pictures of friends instead of experiencing life with them..feeling deep sorrow and pain for family errors/mistakes/sins...not having dates on a regular basis with my husband...time just goes away. This week we were all working on priorities. I've been reading this great book called Shopping For Time by Mahaney and daughters. they recommend waking early to get ready for life. I have committed to doing this and have really had success. I do really look forward to getting up early and reading and praying. I feel the last 2 weeks I have been able to--or maybe should I say that I have felt more wise, patient, and satisfied. I have soooo much to learn, the more I study.
Fortunately and not-so-fortunately, our t.v. has officially gone out. It's been on the brink for a year now, randomly not working. Someone gave us a 15 in. that we had in the bedroom, we just brought it out here. We've been going back and forth on whether and what to buy. I thought it a little ironic that when we went to look at the appliance store, there were 155 options for flat screen HGTV's ( I know that's not technically what they're called, but I don't know what they are called and that's the closest I remember) and then in the corner of isle 33, there were 3 size 'regular' t.v.'s, brands that I did not recognize..some Spanish (don't get me started) brands or something. WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Then there was this sign that said something to the affect of this: "If you buy this kind of t.v., in early 2008, things (of whcih I don't remember all the technical details) won't be available so you probably won't be able to receive signal" (or something to that affect!! TALK ABOUT THE MEDIA OVERTAKING MY LIFE..@!#$%AGJRA
So, now I'm on a big, huge, "no t.v." temper tantrum..like a Jack and the beanstalk temper tantrum. So, you're telling me I can't buy a simple t.v.? That the WHOLE WORLD is going to have flat screen @$&! and I must succumb. So, I'm in revolt. We will watch Swiss Family Robinson on our teeny 15 inch t.v. until we can purchase another "regular" "outdated" t.v. off Craigslist. End of discussion... Oh, and one more thing..as if the "new" t.v.'s didn't cost enough--not kidding, like a 32 " starts at $799-- you must have a special mounting kit..and do you know how much that costs? $199. Nope, not gonna do it, nope.
O.k. so now that I decided to waste my precious time talking about that (after all it's my blog and the purpose is to really process and journal for me..you just decide to read it or not and I'm not a pastor or some Puritan reader so I can type what I need to) I'd like to talk about some blessings.
Blessing One: Husband did not FLIP when the entire closet system fell into the bedroom and the 7 1/2 FOOT metal closet frame was bent and cracked in 3 places.
Blessing Two: ChickFilA moms morning out. Free bounce house, some chicken biscuits and really, really great coffee. About 2-3 other moms from my church have been going with me and the Marketing Manager is my friend. She has just looked out for us moms. It's just been a great thing getting to Thurs. so I can soak that in. Thanks to all.
Blessing Three: Ever since we discovered that Skye has minor sensory disfunction (that's a scary name, isn't it?) and we've been doing this little therapy routine, life has really gotten better around here. He is also getting older and wiser and Alan and I have had some really mature moments with him, where he is starting to understand some behaviour/consequence issues as well as some really special conversations about Christianity.
Blessing Four: This week I'm prepping for Chase's first birthday. To have a child that's sensitive and yet pretty independent and to have made it thus far..need I say more?
Blessing Five: Great sisters, one in particular this week.
Blessing Six: Father's Day is coming up and I was so happy to send dad a gift. He has done a great job the last several months of calling me and keeping up.
Blessing Seven: my YMCA buddy, April. She is such a godly woman and we easily fellowship, which is a great blessing.
Blessing Eight: our Friday night couples group. We've had a change over in leadership and now it's only 3 of us. (families) but we have a committed group of anywhere from 5-8 families that want and are going deeper..something we've needed for so long.
Blessing Nine: reconnections..some old classmates, some old dormies, some old teachers..God has been good to encourage us in this way.
Blessing Ten: We're pregnant again!! No..actually, not. That was just to see if you were paying attention or even reading this mess. I just forgot to edit this sentence..that we're NOT pregnant again. This is the first full year of not being pregnant and i'm starting to feel more balanced out. It's been crazy this time with my hormones, but I don't feel like I've lost control or let them take over (well, more than 5 times, O.K.???@!!!) but seriously, I'm really feeling blessed that I'm alive and my physical pains (leftover preg stuff) are getting better in teeny ways everyday.

So, here are some pics to look at and reward you for reading my journal. Love you.

Legoland...fun and cool too.

dont ever take away my Cheerios ever again..do you hear me momma?

More Skye comments

So Skye says on the way to church to me, "momma, my jokes are really funny, I better not keep telling them to you otherwise you'll crash cuz you're laughing too much."

And then later on Alan and I were discussing a notice put up that they will begin a major road project right down the street. We were talking about how it affects him and how i'll just need to take the other road for the next 6 months.. Skye says, "yah dad, you can really take any road you want to work..there won't be any workers..they'll still be relaxing in their bed, taking some drink." Cuz Alan gets up so early..we were laughing....