Happy Birthday Chase

Others (my other friend bloggers) often post things about people that they like, such as their husbands, kids accomplishments, promotions..I guess I'm feeling a bit selfish. I post pictures and I journal. I really use this blog to help me journal as I am a rambler, talker and gabber. I must do this so I don't hold anything inside and have a panic attack, but I've realized over the years (here comes the rabbit trail) that Proverbs talks specifically about those who talk a lot..in a not so holy way...soooo, this is why I blog. I almost feel like too, that it's not well for me to boast of things other than the cross, which I find incredibly difficult to do..for one, I have the best life a girl could get and two, I know I'm suppose to keep the braggin to a minimum and only about certain things like God. So, in a round about way, I'm thanking God. So, hopefully this isn't a brag and you feel like getting to know God better after you read about my Chase.

You were there..all the way...you were always there.

That's the words from a song I love by Avalon. God has been with me and "there" through everything I've experienced. It was my heart's desire to birth children naturally, since the time I hit puberty..just about. Having children has not come naturally to me and even through my bitterness, physical pain and other sufferings, God has still been here. I feel so honored that he chose me to be this little boy's momma. I love that he wakes up and doesn't want to be cuddled, he just smiles and then buzzzz, all around the house, looking for things to open, eat and bang on.

I feel so honored that God chose to give me the desire to schedule this kid differently than I scheduled Skye. I feel honored that God gave me Chase with orange hair, which is one thing I prayed for. I feel honored to be chosen for this task and I can see the miracles that God has given us to get to this point. I don't miss the details of this baby's design. I love the way his tiny little mouth can give the biggest grin you've ever seen. I love his tiny little frame, as compared with his brother's not-so-tiny frame. I love that he always wakes up and gets tired at the same time and he doesn't want me to be with him in his bed. I love that he likes the pool water very warm and won't go in when it's cold. I love that he crawls all around the house saying either "nye, nye" or "maaaam" looking for me..that's ME, his momma. What? I'm so blessed.

So, I think back to the moment when I boarded the cruise ship to mourn the death of my other... I thought about the big waves and the hopelessness that I felt knowing that I wasn't the mother of any new baby. The moment when I stood on the edge of the boat, looking out over the ocean and it was me, the ocean and God..no noise from the deck and no real thoughts in my mind..just a space and moment. HE IS HERE..I remember saying to myself. THIS IS THE SAME SEA THAT PETER HAD FAITH (or not so much) FAITH ON.. I said, THIS IS THE SAME SEA THAT HE FORMED FROM THE BEGINNING OF TIME..THE SAME SEA THAT CAN, AT ANY MOMENT BE ROUGH OR CALM, ACCORDING TO HIS WORD...and if He can hold this big sea then He will carry me. I can have faith.

So happy birthday sweet Chase, my hopes and dreams have come true. Not because you can crawl, not because you are 19 pounds, not because you can sleep through the night, but because you are God's witness to me that He is Here, and He is who He says He is.