Thanksgiving

Have a lot of ramblings to do. First off, my heart is heavy because I've been really struggling with feeding my baby. For 3 days now, on and off he hasn't wanted to eat. He doesn't want to suck hard enough to pull the milk out. We saw the pediatrician and he said he's got low muscle development/tone. He also said that in 2 1/2 months he's only gained about 12 ounces. Not much. So, we have to go back and get him weighed in 2 weeks. In the meantime, I had to go rent a pump from the hospital and try and increase my supply. That's not working and I'm so mad. It's a lot of work and takes sooo much time out of my day, let alone adds stress. I'm struggling with that. Since this is a private blog, and a "semi-safe" space, I can say that I don't know how to fix this and it's eating at me..to see your child look up at you with this pitiful expression of hunger and yet he won't take a bottle, it's heart wrenching. Everyone keeps saying that if he is hungry enough, he'll eat..so how many days is that? 5? He's not very heavy to start with..anyways, the cycle goes round. Alan helped me tremendously today with getting Chase to eat. He (Chase) finally took cereal. We added banana and I had pumped just enough milk to add. He finally took it. I can't tell you what that did for me!

On a completely different note, I'm thinking about these things:
1. Gram not doing well and seeing her in the state she was in at Thanksgiving yesterday
2. Sister not doing well. Other sister has a new baby and I haven't connected with her in a while. It's great that the reason she can't get a minute to talk is because of the baby, just a part of life that needs some adjusting to!
3. Just found out one of our neighbors who gives us grief sometimes is a Satan worshipper..all out complete with bible in home, paraphernalia etc.. I told Alan that he looks like he has a cloud over his face..like I can't really see him..now I know it's the darkness..so pray!
4. I'm hosting a big advent party next Friday and people don't seem to be wanting to help and I'm new and don't know that many people to ask/add. I'm wanting it to be a success, but also want to be relaxed about it and whomever comes, so be it and that was God's will.
5. Alan has been interviewing and has a possibility. It'd be nice to get an offer and for him not to have to work so many early morning hours.
6. Speaking of his job, his early morning job pay is what allows us to go out to eat, travel, pay credit down, go to Gymboree!, etc..they haven't had work for him in 3 weeks.. and it's wearing on him. I'd love for him to get a bump up in salary..if we ever want to move or leave here, we'll have to have extra to save..not just live paycheck to paycheck. Plus we're not very good at being totally on track for our budget..
7. Our complex in general. We had a big fire alarm ER this week and it took so much out of me. Alan was still stuck in traffic and I had to handle it for the whole 6 buildings..everyone coming over asking me, on the phone with the alarm company/property manager/fire department all the while neighbors (who I don't trust) hanging around and the really loud alarm, in each of our units as well as outside, going off. People were not happy with me and actually one of the residents pulled the station as a joke. I couldn't believe people were mad at me. Some times I'm overwhelmed by people's lack of graciousness/help.
8. A good friend here, her dad and gramma (young) were in a tragic car wreck the other day. I'm so overwhelmed too at times with the tragedy that people have to deal with.

Anyways, one thing I'm grateful for is family. We had a fabulous time yesterday in Fallbrook. Good food, family, fun. It was totally relaxed (besides my baby not being cheerful). I was really grateful to just sit there and be who I was and I didn't have any expectations of who should be helping/cleaning when and what I wasn't doing and what I should be saying..just so nice.

Can you pray that I have a good productive week. Too much on my plate. Many good things and I'm excited about the holidays and finding those little gifts and making you all special potpourri wreaths, and making my Christmas cards with my beautiful children on the front.

I'm also glad for my husband. Staying with me 13+ years and my spinning class that kicks my rear in gear with my husband beside me smiling and nodding his head, as if to say, "you go wifee, you can do it!"