So much to talk about, so little time. I've devoted so much of my "computer" time to Facebook lately, that I get on this and I don't want to type. I LOVE facebook in that I can post pics, update and just do quick things. I know I can do the same on here, it's just convincing myself. Sorry to blab outloud.
Alan's mom passed away, as most of you know. We aren't sure how to properly digest, process and live after she's gone. We aren't doing that great about it. Most of the time, we just don't talk about it and then when we do, we cry. We're very settled about it though and so glad for Christ and his work in her life. When we went to the funeral, it was just so cool to hear people talking about the legacy that she left. In small group Alan read her obituary, as we ended up going to OH a few days later than originally planned. When he read it, it really struck me how eternally focused she was. I knew this all along, but it was so good to hear.
I can't help but making it about me and how I'm doing with it, but it really made me deeply sad about relationships in my life that aren't really going anywhere. I'm often afraid to say things (don't be shocked, sometimes I hold my tongue) about the Lord to others as I'll offend them. Her death, and I hate to say it in this way, has been a push for me.
On the other hand, I've gotten really critical of how I treat others and how they treat me. Alan and I had a knock/drag fight last night. Not really, because we hardly ever fight (maybe 2x a year). Most of the time one gives into the other (you can guess how that looks) and it either gets shoved down somewhere or forgotten about until the next go around. But we did have a very serious convo about our current church, our current friends, what am I doing right/wrong, how can I spur others on with this personality of mine that gets in the way...and really, even though there are things that Alan and I don't get along on and are very opposite on, it came down to how we live and our walk with the Lord and how others are touched by that. It's just easy to get lazy. And especially for me out here, as I feel like I've been blindsided by this SoCal attitude. I'm sort of getting off tangent , so I'll stop.
But if you could pray that God would keep leading me to those he wants me to spend time with. That I won't be judgemental and that I'll know how to be a good friend.
Also pray for Alan's dad and our whole family as we muddle through this grief and convince ourselves that she IS in a better place and let the selfish part of wanting her here a few more years, go. She really is better!!