Here I am Lord!!

HOA stuff has had me examining my place here. I have just wanted to run away and at the same time shout at these people, "don't you know any better? why don't you think the way I do and want to do things the way we do it?" It's caused me to see a some things. One, that I really want to teach people into doing it my way and two, I'm really, really wanting to be the holy spirit. Not in a bad way, but I really feel deeply sorrowed by these peoples sin and want them to repent and I want to be a part of that. I know that's not all bad, but it really gets me wound up if they aren't on the path I want them to be or if they just continue hurting me and God's name. So, I did what I didn't want to do and I quit. I'm still helping Alan and I'm still kind to people, but I don't have a roll/position anymore. I also realized that I was straying from underneath my husband's umbrella of protection and that I needed to be ministry to others through our ministry as a couple. I don't think this always has to be the case, but especially important if it's working with a non-Christian group and at this intensity, in terms of attack from Satan and just plain poor decision making on their parts. So, that's where I'm at. I'm glad to finally be at peace with that and feel like I have more processing to do, but really do feel good. So, I've ramped up the cookie and meal delivery program, trying to give something to one neighbor a week. That's how I'll minister right now. And just trying to spend more time talking in the halls wiht people.

ON another note, I'm really discouraged with my weight training and exercise. Because the boys have had literally one week now, of being semi well (still coughing a lot) I haven't been able to go to the gym. For me, the walks in the park aren't enough. So, I've put on another 4 pounds. Just wish I could go to boot camp, lose the weight and then come back and continue being a momma. The weather hasn't been real condusive (except yesterday) to a lot of outside time, with the rain..I know it's a character thing too, but I'm failing miserably at it. We've been eating terrible too, and that makes me feel worse. So, this week I'm trying to get up early and study and then see if we can't spend some more time outside. Small steps. I'm also going to seriously look at going on slimfast for a meal. Or one of those protein shakes/replacement drinks. I just about skip meals in the morning and sometiems lunch, as it is taking care of these guys and I think I wouldn't even notice if I didn't eat real food. I just need to get to the gym tho. I cannot drop any weight unless I'm burning serious calories..just how I am.